Tomorrow is a big day. It is one that I have been looking forward to and dreading at the same time. I went into the office to turn in paperwork last Friday and I about freaked out. I felt the anxiety rise so quickly and I felt my face go pale and my eyes welled up with tears. I was immediately thrown into the unhappiness in the office. It made me very sad to see it and feel it.
I will be OK. I am going to focus on the joy of the job that I do. We all know I love caring for pregnant women.
I talked to Jason about scheduling myself one night a month to be able to still care for pregnant mommies. I would like to do that. I know I will find myself getting frustrated and tired but ultimately I know I will be happy being next to my mommies.
Keone came home. I know Chris is upset and Keone is upset but he is handling it as well as can be. The first thing I told him was that he simply has to stop lying. I can’t have it. Then he has to pay 100 a month for rent. He has to have a plan to have somewhere else to go. He said, probably Sams. He has to find a job. We discussed many options but ultimately he has to figure it out. I told him he could use the car for work only. For time with his friends he will have to coordinate with them. He said he will go to counseling. I forewarned him about my counselor and that he will probably hear things that he doesn’t like. I am sad that my boy is sad but I explained to him that I have coddled him for too long and empowered him to think that everything should be given to him. He has to take responsibility now. I want to help and I will help but only so much. Rules and boundaries is how I get to help right now and that sucks! But it is important for both me and him.
Many things have happened since I last journaled but I can’t share them all right now. I need to get to bed so I can get to crossfit in the morning. Things are going to be good. They really are. I am going to be fine. Life will be good. Life is good. God is good and he continues to guide me. I want to continue to do his work and find myself in order to be the best for Him that I can be. Good night and be well.